So this is my blog to vent out frustrations. If you have advice, please let me have it. If not, please enjoy reading about my fucked up life. NONE OF THIS IS APPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 16!!!!
For any of this to make sense, I need to give you some backstory about me. I’m a mid-twenties sailor male, married to a photographer, with a child and a dog. Now, I like to think that I cover all the bases when it comes to life, but I can honestly say that I’m fucked with the wife thing. I’ve been cheated on, I’m not 100% the baby boy I’ve helped raise is mine, and I can honestly say my wife doesn’t spend time with me unless she’s attempting to control every aspect of my life. She has treated me like a fucking servant for the past 3-4 years of our decade-long relationship. She has it in her head that I’m not trustworthy, and therefore not an equal in her eyes. Personally, I can’t stand this twisted logic. I’ve spent my whole life trying to AVOID marrying someone like my psychotic stepmom, and my wife has become her exactly.
Let me back up and explain some things more calmly. I have done every thing I can to make my wife and son happy. Working tirelessly to try and ease the stresses of life and make theirs easier. As you can imagine, that makes my life harder. I get stressed, and I have some difficulty filtering it. To ease this stress, I’ve adopted playing violent video games. I have found a place that let’s you play betas for some really badass stuff for the new consoles, but they only run that service once every 2 weeks. Here’s the dilemma, I have tried to get in on this for MONTHS, and it feels like every time I could do this my wife finds some inane reason to prevent this. If she was doing her photography gig, which I can understand, or ANY good reason arose; I could see not going to try and beta test the new systems/games. However, I’m getting the LAMEST excuses a person can imagine for not getting the opportunity to go. Today was the last chance this year that I could do this, and they were demoing a game I’m debating on buying the Xbox 1 for. I found my wife a mere HALF HOUR before this demo saying “you should spend more time with us”. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my family. I would die for them a dozen times over, but I can honestly say that with all the damn dinner parties with all the damn vapid morons she hangs out with, and all the crap she’s forced me to deal with…I lost my shit.
Today turned into a bitch-fest that has been 6 months in coming. Now, women who are reading this may be asking “what’s the big deal?” Guess what? There is NOTHING in this world that can stress a man out more than a spouse that is nagging on and on with no end in sight. Take away some stress relievers that man has developed, and you’re fine…take away all of them (as she has), and you’re looking at the end of a Rambo movie in fast forward. I lost all my stress relief capabilities 6 months ago with this woman, and she’s found new and unusual ways to torture me since then. I’m qualified to deal with psychological warfare, because that’s nothing compared to the crap I have waiting for me at home. Some days, I come home 3 hours late just because I have to do SOMETHING to take my mind off what is waiting for me at home….which makes her think I’m having an affair…great, even more bullshit to deal with…she has a month-long affair, and now her paranoid ass thinks I’m cheating on her. Awesome.
What makes this worse is, I can’t leave her. Based upon my states laws, if she cheated, and I left her then, I would get EVERYTHING, and she would spend 2 years in jail, and get NOTHING when she got out. The only thing that would protect her is if I had ‘forgiven’ her indiscretions by sleeping with her again after the affair ceased. So I sleep with her one day about a year ago, and afterwards she unloads on me that she had an affair with one of her male friends. Not only that, the bitch had sex with him for the last time the PREVIOUS DAY. Needless to say, I start living on my ship for a while and start to prepare for the arduous tasks of divorce, UNTIL I get a call from her telling me she’s pregnant. Fucking awesome. I spend the next 9 months tending to her every need until the baby is born and I can safely have a paternity test done. Only one problem, In our current state, I need BOTH PARENTS CONSENT to get one done….so now I can’t find out for sure if I am a father or being duped until we move in a year or longer…by then, my name will be finalized on the birth certificate, so it won’t matter….US law states that the man on the birth certificate is the real father.
Anyway, getting back to today’s incident, we both drudge up everything that we can, and make each other feel like shit. She threatens to drag ‘our kid’ away in a divorce, which would make it to where I’d pay child support, but I’d never honestly know who the father is. I said ‘go ahead, he’s not my kid anyway’ without even thinking. My kid was sitting right next to me. He won’t remember this argument later in life, but nothing can make a guy feel shittier than saying that in front of his kid…I feel like such a douche, but honestly that’s how I feel. Right now, i feel like I’m only with this woman to find out 100% if this kid is mine. If he is, I’m stuck with her…but if not, I’m probably going to leave her ass because I’m losing all forms of self respect the longer I’m with this person.
For the love of god, tell me if there’s something someone out there could do that might be able to help me!
marriage issues 